


Acting Lessons

by Spectrospecs



Category: Baccano!
Genre: Gen, Nothing really shippy they're all just bros here, no real novel spoilers here, this all started with an askmeme that went places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 06:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9372038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spectrospecs/pseuds/Spectrospecs
Summary: This isn't the first time Chane's been picked up by the cops.





	

"What?! Chane's in prison?!"

Felix Walken's attention was drawn to the sound of a panicked voice carrying from the hall of the Genoard mansion. At this hour, when almost everyone would already be in bed, only two were awake, waiting for the return of the last member of the gang. One must have been kept awake by anxiety, the other had simply decided he didn't need to sleep until he saw his fiancée again.

Chane had volunteered to run a simple reconnaissance mission to keep an eye on a shipment of ammunition across the city that was rumored to be changing hands soon. It was supposed to be easy; she would drop by two bars on either side of the trade spot, and to walk between them she would pass through the back alley where the deal was supposed to happen. A quick look around to scout the location, then any tails that suspected her would just see her stop by a bar and catch a cab home. She should have been back a few hours ago at the latest.

 _Well, now we know what's been holding her up_ , Felix thought as he made his way towards the telephone in the hall. He made his movements as quiet as possible, then stopped just around the corner from where Jacuzzi was. For now, he decided to listen in silence. It wouldn't do to interrupt a friend's phone call, after all.

"Yes, yes sir. No, please understand these are unique circumstances. Yes. Of course, I'll be there as soon as I can. Yes. Goodbye." Jacuzzi went to hang up the phone, heaving a shaky sigh. Unnoticed, Felix ghosted out from around the corner. As soon as the phone touched down on the receiver, Felix reached over and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Mind if I tag al-"

"AAAH!" Jacuzzi shrieked and flinched away from the unexpected touch. He spun around, clutching his chest. The tension dropped from his shoulders when he saw who it was, but his eyes were still the size of dinner plates and already filling with tears. "I'm sorry, it's just, I didn't hear you coming, and I was sorta focused on something else, and…"

Felix waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Chane's at the station and you were gonna pick her up. Which goes back to my original question, mind if I tag along?"

Jacuzzi still looked a little shell-shocked, but nodded with jerky movements. "Definitely! Wait, I mean, no I don't mind at all, you can definitely come with me, sorry, I mean it's not like you need my permission, but no, yeah you can defin-"

"Great, let's get going." Felix strode towards the door without looking to see if Jacuzzi was following. His hand was on the doorknob before a nervous "Um…" sounded from behind him. He turned. Jacuzzi hadn't moved from where he'd been standing.

"Actually, Mr. Walken…" He trailed off, fidgeting with his hair, unsure of how to proceed.

"What's the matter?"

"Um, well, I'm really sorry to ask this, but…" He took a deep breath. "Could you leave the talking to me and Chane?"

Felix paused, slightly puzzled, and Jacuzzi took that brief silence to barrel through his explanation.

"Uh, you see, this actually sort of isn't the first time this has happened. But! I mean, it's okay! It's never been any real trouble and it's all ended up alright, but, I mean, my point is, I mean I bet you think it sounds crazy, and I know it is, but it does work, but we – I mean, Chane and I, we kind of have a… well, a routine."

***

Outside of a small police station, the two men paused. Jacuzzi triple-checked the address against a scrap of paper he’d carried, and sighed with relief. 

“We’ve never been through this one before. I mean, I thought it was a different place, and I didn’t recognize the address right away, but I might have remembered something wrong because I do that sometimes, so I really had to make sure they wouldn’t have seen us before.”

Felix nodded smoothly, then even though he thought he knew the answer, he asked, “And why’s that?”

Jacuzzi pointed at his own face and shrugged. “Well, I’m kinda recognizable. And besides, it really only works once.”

With that, he started off towards the front entrance. Felix followed, not bothering to ask further. 

_Why not? I’m kinda curious to see what these two have cooked up._

Once inside, a pair of tired-looking officers led them back towards the holding cells.

“Listen,” the stouter of the two said, “this dame has been refusin’ to cooperate until one ‘a you shows up, so we’d better finally be gettin’ somewhere with…”

The officer trailed off as they rounded the final corner and the cell came into view. Gone was the defiant, dangerous, silent threat stalking the streets. The woman in front of them was alone and scared, but relief radiated from her face at the sight of the two young men. Her eyes practically swam with tears as she leapt forward and pressed against the bars, the sight of friendly faces almost too much to bear.

"Snrk." Felix couldn't help it, the chuckle slipped out before he realized he was about to laugh. He coughed once or twice to cover it up. By the time the taller officer spared him a suspicious glance, his face was suitably solemn. But damn it, it was taking every ounce of his concentration to stop the corners of his mouth from twitching into a smile.

The only way to describe her acting was "wooden". She sounded like a seven-year-old trying her hardest to read the most dramatic speech of the school play. She might as well have been shouting at the top of her lungs in the worst monotone he'd ever heard.

GOOD GRACIOUS, THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH FOR COMING TO MY AID. FRIENDSHIP IS TRULY A SUPER GREAT THING.

Tears had welled up in Jacuzzi's eyes at the sight of his friend in a cell. Felix saw, however, that his knees were too steady and his voice was barely cracking. He wasn't stammering nearly enough to actually be afraid. Even the tears were part of the performance. It was all painfully obvious to him, why wasn't everyone else cracking up?

_Keep it together, Felix. Somehow, the rest of them are buying it. Laughing now will only ruin everything. Don't laugh._

"Chane! Are you all right?" Jacuzzi ran forward before the officers could protest, grabbing Chane's hand through the iron bars. She smiled in reassurance and patted his hand, a single tear leaking from her misty eyes.

OH YES, NOW THAT YOU ARE HERE. I AM SAVED. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT FRIENDS LIKE THE PAIR OF YOU BOTH.

_Don't laugh, damnit._

Chane tapped Jacuzzi's hand, anxiously glancing between him and the officers.

OH, THE ANGUISH. IF ONLY THESE PEOPLE COULD UNDERSTAND HOW UPSETTING THIS ENTIRE SITUATION HAS BEEN, BUT ALAS, I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT TO THEM.

_Don't. Laugh._

"You must be so scared! D-don't worry, we'll explain everything to them. Oh, they didn't even give you anything to write with, did they?"

At this, the shorter officer started forward. What was this guy’s name again? Nelson, according to the name badge. And the taller one was Harrison. Felix mentally berated himself. Even if he was distracted, he shouldn’t miss important details like that. After such a touching reunion and implicit blame, the pair were solidly on the defensive.

"Hey, we gave her a pencil and some paper, but she just wrote down the phone number."

Harrison cut in. "We thought she mighta been deaf, ya know? So we tried to write some stuff down and get her to talk that way."

"Yeah, but then we asked her if she could hear us, and she nodded, but until you two got here she refused to say a word. Just kept pointing to the phone number."

"She wasn't refusing," Jacuzzi explained. "She can't speak."

"Well, she could have found some way to answer us when we found her skulkin’ around in the dark."

"She's terrified of being misunderstood. You can probably guess that she's a little mistrustful of others at first, you know? Seeing as how she can't shout for help, or even cry out loud if something goes wrong. If she's afraid, she won't talk until she has someone she trusts nearby."

The officers shifted uneasily. Suddenly, they were looking like the bad guys here.

"Yeah, well she pulled a knife on us! What about that, huh? She looked about ready to cut my throat out!"

"It's for self-defense, and of course she's gotta be on guard. This city, this late at night? No way to call for help? No way to tell creeps to leave her be? Some guys get angry when a lady walking by doesn't answer, and what's she supposed to do then?"

While this exchange was going on, Chane followed the conversation like a tennis match. Every couple of sentences, for effect, Felix saw her toss out a _GRACIOUS!_ or a _GOODNESS ME!_ Somehow, he was never quite expecting it. He could feel the smile tensing at the corners of his lips. He could feel the laughter building in his throat.

_I have to shove it down. I can't laugh now. Somehow all of this is working, they’re buying it, as long as I don’t laugh everything will work out perfectly…_

MY STARS!

_I can't do it. I’m gonna start laughing any second now. I’ll just have to figure out a way to pass it off as something else and…_

He froze.

Chane had turned slightly away from the officers, presumably to wipe her eyes daintily. She had caught his eye, and for a fraction of a second, the façade dropped. Her message couldn't have been clearer.

Don't you dare. Smile, and you'll never hear the end of it from me.

Chane, unfazed, went immediately back to the sob routine, leaving Felix practically glued in place. 

Nothing about her performance was at all different from before. But there was no way he could even think about laughing. Every time he got close, the memory of her unforgiving gaze burned across his mind. He didn’t even take in the rest of what was said between Jacuzzi and the officers. 

He did notice that they seemed to glance warily in his direction more and more as the conversation went on. A tiny sliver of his attention kept them in his sights, but neither seemed to be preparing to make a move against him or his friends. Besides, they could stare at him all day if they wanted to. He wasn't in danger of cracking up anymore. 

In what seemed like no time at all, the taller officer pulled out a keyring and let Chane out of the cell. A warning about getting home at a decent hour, a threat to confiscate the knife if they saw it again, self-defense or not, a final uncertain glance towards Felix, and all three found themselves outside the station, free as a bird.

Jacuzzi was the first to speak. The confident tone, almost condescending in its politeness, that he’d used in front of the officers had entirely vanished. 

“Whew, a-at least that’s over. I tell ya, that never gets less nerve-wracking.” He turned to Chane, desperately backtracking over a wrong he was only imagining. “But! Um, I know it had to be scarier for you! And your acting was really good this time, I thought I was gonna start cryin’ for real any second there. Musta been one of the reasons it went so well this time, huh?”

Chane reached over to muss up Jacuzzi’s hair fondly. He laughed and swatted her hand away, then hesitated. He turned towards Felix with a sheepish look. 

"But, well, I mean I know I mostly have you to thank for that, Mr. Walken." 

Felix raised an eyebrow. “Me? I didn't do a thing. I just sat back and let you two handle everything.”

It was Jacuzzi’s turn to look surprised. "But, the whole time, you were glaring at those cops. A-at first I thought you were just upset at how they were treating Chane, but towards the end it felt like you were about ready to tear someone into pieces. Sorry, not that I think you would do something like that. I’m sorry, I just make these assumptions sometimes, and..."

While Jacuzzi occupied himself with apologizing, Chane looked at Felix, a hesitant question on her face.

"What? No, no, your acting was amazing!” 

A look of pure suspicion. Felix hastily covered his tracks.

“It just caught me off guard, that's all."

_You? Off guard? That’ll be the day._

Still, as the trio walked home under the glowing streetlamps, Chane couldn’t hide the barest hint of a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments!


End file.
